I usually try to stay upbeat and positive, but today is an angry day. I am furious as I face more time off work. My sixth surgery didn't go so well, so I can't see again. I'm scared to death that I'm looking at another six months out. I will have spent more time out of work and homebound than Steven will spend in jail. Where's the justice there?
Sometimes I wish I would have taken up some of the offers I got to see him taken out. But I trusted the justice system.
A justice system that is not just. There's a shocker.
I wonder what the judge would think if he was in my shoes. I wonder if he would have taken it so lightly. Or the police officer for Logan City. Officer Boehme - the man that made up his mind to find nothing from the first time I spoke with him. I wish he would lose his job - especially if he has a family he's trying to support. Then maybe he would take his job more seriously next time.
If it had been drugs THEN there would have been a sentence. Wish they had tested him. Wouldn't have been a surprise to find out it was more than alcohol in his system. It's so tempting to just leave a few gallons of everclear or vodka or peppermint schnapps where he could find it and I could pray he would just drink himself to death.
Not like me much at all, eh?
I am just feeling alone, abandoned, afraid - nothing terribly wonderful. I think I need to find my headphones and put myself out. A good guided meditation might help my attitude. I can't even describe the despair I am feeling right now. Real despair. I would rather die than endure this torture again. I wish I could call the doctor and tell him to undo everything he did to me TODAY - NOW! I can't afford this. Mentally, physically or financially. I just don't know what I'm going to do next.
Everything I want is right here, right now, and I could lose it all because of that monster. The one that walks free on the street every day.
I know I'll survive because I refuse to allow him to destroy me. Even so... today is a painful day - an angry day...
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Oh my dearest, sweet friend! How my heart aches at your pain! I agree... the justice system failed you! MISERABLY!!! Every time I think of how you were failed, I get physically sick. I have tried to ensure that others in your situation get a better shot at justice at work, but I find that my hands are tied. It makes me crazy.
ReplyDeleteKnow that you are loved! I know that you are a survivor... but remember to take the time to mourn that which you have lost, be angry at who and what deserves the anger, and then rejoice in the beauty of your family. I know that you are supported and surrounded by loving people... lean on them as you go through this. I am also here for you!
Love you tons and tons!!!!!
Hugs to you!
I'm sorry you had such a bad day Wednesday. Know I love you. It's good that your eye is doing better than you thought, and I always thought Steven should never have gotten off as easy as he did.
ReplyDeleteI love you mom. Just think about a just God that will not let politics come into play at the judgment bar! :)