Reading a book...

After going over a year without being able to read a book, it's a great joy to be able to read! Just another of my daily, tiny miracles!!!

There are time when the little things in life mean the most. We all find those days and sometimes I find them incredibly amazing. Things we take for granted.

Even when it seems a little silly, celebrate life and the little miracles!

How wonderful to read again!

So, this surgery was a bit of a chance. They were messing with my "good" eye, which was not comforting. However, I was well aware that I was dealing with the best in the state, if not the region! Even after nearly a year since my last surgery at the Moran Eye Institute, the staff still recognized me in the surgery center! It was very "homey" for me and I was relaxed and well both going in and coming out.

I was willing to take the chance offered as I love reading and writing and have found it painful to read books and articles at all and can only type comfortably. I was so excited to see how the surgery had gone. The doctor, Dr. Hoffman, assured me prior to starting the operation that I would see an immediate difference and that it would just continue to improve over the next two to three weeks. But, coming out of surgery, I was faced with one very white eye patch pasted firmly over my eye with instructions not to remove it until Tuesday morning.

I will admit that patience has rarely, if ever, been my strong suit, so it was a most miserable night of questions and wondering. Good thing the anesthesia hadn't worn off. Even so, I was up shortly after midnight and wasn't able to sleep. That is, however, normal for me after surgery, so I knew to expect it and to deal with it. I did finally go back to sleep for a little while.

And then it was time. I couldn't wait any longer. But the tape was firmly plastered to my face and I had forgotten to mention that I am a bit allergic to plastic tape. Even hours after I had yanked it off with great ceremony, one was easily able to identify where the tape had been by the large red splotches. Let me tell you, not a comfortable moment when I grabbed and pulled. I tried to do it slowly, but the pain was just too much, so it came off in a second or so when a took hold of the patch firmly in the middle and just pretended to be pulling all my skin off. Wait a minute - that wasn't pretense!

And the disappointment overwhelmed me. I saw double worse than before. I wasn't thinking about the fact that my eye had been covered for several hours after having been traumatized. I wasn't thinking that I might not be giving it the time it needed outside of that small whitened space to adjust to light and pattern. I just started to cry. I was sure it hadn't worked. And it appeared to be worse than before I'd gone in.

So, me being me, I decided to knock off the tears and go take a shower. A shower is the answer to everything, right?!?!?!

And I got into the shower and realized that I could look down quite significantly and still see only a single line in the tile instead of two at odd angles. And then I realized I could look out of the left side of my eye - something I had been told there was nothing that could be done on - and see a single version of the frogs that decorate my shower curtain.

Hallelujah! Not only had it improved where I had been told it would, it had improved where I had been told there was no hope! WOO HOO!!!

Then I cried again - in the shower nobody knows how much is tears and how much is just water - but I was crying big tears that burned my eye. I stopped pretty quick, but not before I thanked the powers that be. God, my friends, my family - the prayers that have gone up for me and my family. This year I have been so very blessed!

Prepared or not...

So, I'm wearing my PJ's to the hospital today. Yeah. They said to wear loose clothes and these are pretty loose! Besides, I know me after surgery and all I will want to do is sleep, sleep and sleep.

I'm trying to get a few things done before I go - besides writing - but when I am in the mood to write, I write and write and write.

I have been having very disturbing dreams the last two days about my two boys. I don't usually have such vivid or awful dreams, so they weigh heavy on my mind right now. Far more heavy on my mind than what I am wearing for surgery!

I'm not sure if what I have been experiencing is a premonition or just a fear. Either way - highly uncomfortable! Last night, just before midnight, I was dreaming that I was standing on a hill looking at and old jail. It was across a little valley and was about two stories high. I was talking about the history of it when I was suddenly on the roof of it and Thomas dove toward the edge and fell over but when I looked down it was Malachi dropping to the ground.

Strange. I remember thinking that a miracle could happen and save him before he hit the ground but there had been a terrible thud just after he went over the edge. I did not feel good when I woke up and it has been weighing on me since.

Yesterday morning I woke with a start when I dreamed I was going somewhere far away from the boys. I had Thomas's new shoes in my hand and was crying because I knew I wouldn't see him for a very long time. I still don't remember why.

Perhaps it is because of the sentencing hearing coming up. After all, jail and going away for a long time would seem to be connected to that.

I don't say it often and I don't say much about it, but I honestly love my children. I've not been the best mother, I didn't know how to be, but I have done the best I could and I am proud of all five of my children - and very happy to be Grandma to little Baby Dox.

I wonder how he'll feel about being called Baby Dox when he's 12. Whatcha think?

Well, the laundry and garbage and furniture and windows and important stuff are all calling me. I guess they are important!

Later, my friends! I hope to write all week long while I'm out of work, so keep your eyes open!

The Light at the End of the Tunnel....

On November 4, 2009 in courtroom 1 at the Cache County Courthouse and before the Honorable Judge Clint S. Judkins in the First District Court, Steven Arthur Hedlin, Sr. plead guilty to Third Degree Felony Assault. He is scheduled for sentencing on January 4, 2009.

Thus ends this chapter of the saga.

I am still scheduled for what I hope to be my last surgery to try to correct the damage done by this assault. I have been told I will never fully regain my vision. But, I can move on now and work toward the things I wanted to do that I still can.

Do I hate him for this? No. I feel sorry for him in some ways. Steven will never have the peace of mind I have. Nor will he have the love and loyalty of friends and family that I have been so blessed with. I would like to believe that is because I have shown my friends and family the loyalty they have returned to me.

So - the time line goes as such...




Leah Adkins married Steven Arthur Hedlin, Sr. on April 26, 2008

Within 24 hours the drinking and verbal abuse began. In just over 24 hours he was screaming that he was leaving us - he didn't deserve to have to live with us. I wish he had.





I had been the sole support of our family financially. Steven got his first Pell grant check and went out drinking that night - Monday, October 27, 2008.










When Steven arrived home - intoxicated - he decided to throw another of his screaming fits. After calling me names for 15 to 20 minutes, with the vulgarities escalating, I decided I had taken enough and slapped him across the face as he was going toward his truck. I turned to tell him to never call me names like that again when he punched me.

These pictures are on hour after the assault and a day and a half after the assault respectively. I never hid the fact that I slapped him, but I think any woman would have. It was a slap, not a punch. There was no fist involved and it wasn't even hard enough to leave a mark. However, he punched me in the face and then grabbed me by the throat and screamed at me to never touch him again and then let me go.

I don't know how I stayed on my feet, but I managed. I can attest that one really does "see stars" in the form of bursts of light that are inexplicable.

Over the course of the next year, week, and day, Steven turned down plea deals four times, insisting it was self-defense and that I had "run into his hand" or he had "inadvertently hit me in the face" with his hand. He played games in the courtroom both during the criminal hearings and also during the Protective Order hearing. I think he honestly viewed himself as the victim and he still refused to admit he had a drinking problem.

Through it all, I missed seven months of work and will have four surgeries in exactly one year.

The only thing left is the sentencing hearing. I have been told I will be an active part of that. I'm ready, I think.

While I wish Steven no ill will, I would love to see him pay a price. I hope he can learn that his behavior is what causes the issues in his relationships, that his drinking is a major problem. He doesn't realize how many times he had black-out drunks while we were married. The situation is very sad!

I, however, am moving on. I have grown as an individual. I have learned to value and appreciate little things more. This has turned into a huge growing experience for me and I have made new goals and met other goals. There's still a long way to go, but I'll get there!

I am, in fact, LOVING life! Every day there is something to celebrate and I can see so many tiny miracles as the days go by!

Thank you, my friends!

And please, help me by raising your voice against domestic violence. Stop the yelling, the screaming, the threats, and the hitting, shoving, and pushing. If you see it, let it be known that it's not acceptable behavior. Love and peace start at home. We need to teach our sons and daughters this is NOT OKAY! Be the example!

Act from LOVE with PEACE!