Prepared or not...

So, I'm wearing my PJ's to the hospital today. Yeah. They said to wear loose clothes and these are pretty loose! Besides, I know me after surgery and all I will want to do is sleep, sleep and sleep.

I'm trying to get a few things done before I go - besides writing - but when I am in the mood to write, I write and write and write.

I have been having very disturbing dreams the last two days about my two boys. I don't usually have such vivid or awful dreams, so they weigh heavy on my mind right now. Far more heavy on my mind than what I am wearing for surgery!

I'm not sure if what I have been experiencing is a premonition or just a fear. Either way - highly uncomfortable! Last night, just before midnight, I was dreaming that I was standing on a hill looking at and old jail. It was across a little valley and was about two stories high. I was talking about the history of it when I was suddenly on the roof of it and Thomas dove toward the edge and fell over but when I looked down it was Malachi dropping to the ground.

Strange. I remember thinking that a miracle could happen and save him before he hit the ground but there had been a terrible thud just after he went over the edge. I did not feel good when I woke up and it has been weighing on me since.

Yesterday morning I woke with a start when I dreamed I was going somewhere far away from the boys. I had Thomas's new shoes in my hand and was crying because I knew I wouldn't see him for a very long time. I still don't remember why.

Perhaps it is because of the sentencing hearing coming up. After all, jail and going away for a long time would seem to be connected to that.

I don't say it often and I don't say much about it, but I honestly love my children. I've not been the best mother, I didn't know how to be, but I have done the best I could and I am proud of all five of my children - and very happy to be Grandma to little Baby Dox.

I wonder how he'll feel about being called Baby Dox when he's 12. Whatcha think?

Well, the laundry and garbage and furniture and windows and important stuff are all calling me. I guess they are important!

Later, my friends! I hope to write all week long while I'm out of work, so keep your eyes open!