Don't judge me...

Could it be possible that our perceptions based on our own value system are not always appropriate or informed?

Many years ago I learned to tell myself, "I will not 'should' on myself today." It meant something very similar to how it sounded.

How many times do each of us ruin our own days by concentrating on what "should" have occurred? Each individual has the ability, if they have the desire, to reconsider these actions against them self and create a more positive internal environment. Yes, it's all in your head!

My problem came in when it was a co-worker whose internal value system "should" on me!

What was happening was stressful enough without the additional pressure of knowing my own co-worker was judging what I was doing that day without even considering the external reasons - things out of my control!

You see, it is true that every driver should leave the Transit Center at the exact time they are scheduled to leave. For most routes that is on the hour and the half hour. We are all equipped with a clock set to the second so that we can accomplish this feat. On occasion a clock is off and then it gets a little crazy, but overall the clocks are identical down to the second based on the atomic clock that updates every clock in every bus and every office at the same time.

There are times that it is just not possible to accomplish this, no matter how much one wants to or intends to. There are passenger issues, traffic issues and bus issues that can influence that. There are also, at times, personal issues - like not being off the bus for four hours and the bladder is screaming - that can also create a glitch in the system. IT happens! And, at one time or another, it happens to all of us.

Recently I was driving a route that was so slow because of the decrease in passenger load that I could leave at the :02 and :32 and still wait at the time spot midway through. I chose to leave at the :02 and :32 to allow passengers running a little behind to catch my route and get to their destination more efficiently. It made sense to me to wait the two minutes allowed at the TC for customer service.

Unfortunately my co-worker did not see it quite that way. He was, apparently, angered by the fact that I was not leaving at :01:00 and :31:00 and was upset enough by this to go to management. My management did not see it as an issue - at least that is what I was lead to believe as I was never spoken with about said issue. This, from what I was told, only managed to upset my co-worker further.

All I can say is this, getting upset over something so simple and out of his control wasn't good for his health and when he told me about it, it wasn't good for my attitude!

What is the reason that people cannot accept that they are NOT in control of others? I can control myself. I can control my children to an extent, but any parent knows it isn't easy and kids will do what they want! All I can do is teach them and hope they listen.

Controlling other adults - or attempting to - results in nothing but problems. The ONLY person anyone can control is them self.

That being said - DON'T JUDGE ME!

I am doing the best I can and there are reasons I choose to do what I choose to do and choose not to do other things. If someone else is upset by my choices, then they can ask me about WHY or tell me they did not appreciate my choices, but calling names and judging is not the way to handle it, in my opinion!

Stop "should"ing on yourself and others and make it a better world!

WHY???

I just don't get it. WHY is it that people are so cruel?

I had an experience tonight that really hurt my heart. I would never have known about it had the other individual involved not felt so strongly I had been wronged by them and wanted to let me know what had been said so they could apologize.

Why? If they were sorry, why did they have to repeat it so that I would be aware of the hurtful things that were said?

On the other hand, I have to respect the individual for having the guts to openly admit what they said and did and why. I don't think I could have.

Even so, why is it we all have our moments when we act human and say and do things that are so very cruel?

More to come...

I currently have 13 - yes, THIRTEEN - posts in draft mode. I have been so overwhelmed with this strange work schedule that I fear I have fallen behind. Always check back and back and back dates because I don't finish up and post in order - obviously if I have 13 posts in draft mode!

Starting next week my schedule should be a bit more stable and I will make a valid attempt at finishing up and getting ahead!

The joys of DIVORCE!!!

Yes, it is finalized! Apparently the judge signed the decree on May 21 and it took until yesterday for it to get entered into the system.

I no longer have to be saddled with the same name as the man who took seven months of my life after disrupting almost a year before that. It is such a relief to know that something has made it through the court system, as well.

Either way, today is closure for the second step! YES!!!

What in the world???

Okay, so I've had odd experiences my whole life, but having some nice young man hit on me is almost more than my little brain can handle.

I am honestly having a really rough time wrapping my brain around the idea that I have some guy in his early 20's coming on to me and really pushing it! It is, of course, flattering, but confusing, too.

Not quite what I had expected...

So, I'm at work. I'm blogging from work. "How does that happen when you are driving a bus," you may ask.

I will tell you. I'm not driving! Not exactly what I expected.

One problem with the bus system is the fluctuation of seasons, days, holidays, patterns, and other things. Saturdays can be very busy. Saturdays can also be very NOT busy. Today happens to be one of the NOT busy days on the Call-A-Ride routes. I am supposed to be driving CAR 2. That means I have no rides, BUT...

Another problem with the system is we are very public. The Transit Center is open, air conditioned, and the meeting point for all the buses coming and going on fixed routes. That means we can also be the focal point for gang graffiti, fights, arguments, and other "interesting" encounters. We have all kinds of people from all walks of life that get together here and I am the overseer for this morning. With everything that has been happening lately, I do not see that as a particularly boring experience.

Besides, after so much time being rather sedentary, I can use the regular walks!

If all else fails, I can finish up some of my older blogs that have just been waiting over the last few weeks for me to have the time to work on them!

The losses I feel...

I finally got back to work and it was a very happy day! Of course, I was working very strange shifts, but it brought my "grandson" back into my life for a few brief moments, so it was worth it!

As I was getting off my bus, I heard a wee voice calling me. I looked up and there was Steven's grandson, Uriah, coming toward me. I was so incredibly happy to see him! I really miss Uriah and his parents and his baby brother and sister, who turned one in March and I still haven't been able to see them and take their presents to them. I have been advised to put off my visit until the court case is over and Steven's antics continue to put that time further and further out.

This is where I feel great loss!

I enjoyed being Grandma to Uriah and the twins. I enjoyed visiting with their mother and her extended family. Uriah fits just between my sons, and they have missed his company as well.

When I saw him, I had to give Uriah a great big hug and I told him how much I loved him and missed him and then I cried.

The assault was a violent and painful experience. The aftermath has been even worse, however, and missing my extended family that is no longer mine - that's painful!

I hope they know, even though I can't really be around them right now, that I love them all!

Work...

Back to work and really wearing out fast. I will build it up soon, though! Up at 4:30 a.m. again and feeling great about it! Wish it could stay this way, but I go to nights on June 1.

Court today. Just praying it isn't continued again or the trial isn't rescheduled. I want this thing OVER!

Empowerment and decisions

When I first struggled through the assault, I went through a whole huge range of emotions. I mourned, I questioned, I held onto hope, and I got angry. I didn't get really angry until Steven was out of jail - nor was I afraid as long as I knew he was behind bars. It was when I found out he was out that I had my first burst of anger and then I didn't sleep for about two or three days, especially after he showed up at my house, because I was terrified and saw him hit me again every time I closed my eyes.

And it was then that I made up my mind, and I have continued with this resolve throughout the ordeal, that I was not going to allow him to win this one. I was not going to quit living my life. There was no way what he did to me would take any quality of life from me in the long term.

Getting behind the wheel of a bus last night, I felt so emotionally and physically empowered. Words cannot begin to say all that went through my mind, body, and heart!

Back to work and it's crazy!

So, I go back to drive my first shift today. The problem with this is, I'm not going to have my own shift until June 1 so my schedule is insane!

I may not be online much while I am adjusting...

Wish me luck and I look forward to being in touch with my friends again soon!

Birthday wishes...

It's been a great day!

I spent the day being lazy and then I got my hair done, visited with some friends, ate pizza and now I'm ready for bed. Got to get up early tomorrow!

The one thing I wanted for my birthday, I didn't get. The judge hasn't been able to sign my divorce papers yet. They are ready to go up to the judge's desk, but the courts are a little behind. I just want this OVER!

Even though it hasn't been signed, it does appear that it is a done deal and no responses. Not a bad birthday present!

The next year will be an ever better year! I'm excited to be 45!

Post dental perceptions...

Dang, my mouth hurts!

It was actually a very positive experience. Dr. Harris has now had enough experience with me that he knows how to numb me and only had to re-dose me once.

I'm going back in two weeks to have things finished, but the worst is over! THANK GOODNESS!!!

Now, to get through the pain in my jaw...

Going to the Dentist...

and I was I could skip it!

I'm suffereing some anxiety.

Monday, Monday....

So, today I have a great deal going on. I'm not sure where I'm going to find the time when I go back to work to do anything! How do I do this?

This morning, once I get the boys off to school, I will be getting ready to go to court. It's just another hearing, not any big deal. It could, however, change the date of the jury trial. That's why I go is just to see what is happening in my life next! The last experience was so amusing, that I'm almost looking forward to this today!

Then I will be doing an hour long "drive around" with the road supervisor. It is just a test and a chance to get behind the wheel again. I'm really looking forward to it! It feels so good to be behind the wheel of a bus! I have so missed it!!!

I will then have a few things to take care of in town and will be spending a little time with my oldest daughter and her husband before they head back toward the south with the dog.

Altogether a busy day! I also have laundry to get through, a kitchen to get cleaned, and overall cleaning and straightening to accomplish. There's plenty to keep my going!

A week from today I will be starting my split shifts. I will start work about 5 in the morning and finally get off for the day about 8:30 or 9:00 in the evening. THAT is when my life will really get interesting!

After a couple of weeks of that, things should calm down and I should be able to get a schedule going! Well, until it all changes again!

The only constant this world has is constant change!

Debating religion...

I was recently described as an enigma. Interesting concept.

Me, an enigma. I like it.

We were discussing religion. I don't discuss religion much, but I had mentioned that I was enjoying visiting with friends that were not fanatical where it came to their religion, if you want to call it that. My long time Pagan friends are some of the most down-to-earth, loving, caring and accepting people I know. I find it interesting that it is my Pagan friends that tend to live a life that reminds me of what my Christian upbringing taught.

Perhaps that is why my friend Jennifer finds me to be such an enigma.

After all, I'm a good Utah Mormon girl. The descendant of some of the early pioneers. I have a history on my father's side of the family tied closely to the LDS church. My mother, on the other hand, was raised in the south and attended multiple meetings with many different congregations before she finally settled on the LDS church as being where her beliefs were.

I was raised LDS and was very strong in my beliefs growing up. The problem was, I had gifts that didn't seem to mesh with the LDS belief system for my mother. There were things she just didn't understand. She told me my gifts were evil and bad. That equated - especially in my mind - to me being evil and bad. These weren't things I had any control over, these were things I was born with. I did my best to squash them and make my mother happy.

How incredibly stupid of me! However, I was a child and was following the misinformed fears of my mother in an attempt to gain her approval and love. Wait - perhaps naive, but still a stupid thing to do!

So, what transpires is this - I am squashing the gift God gave me to keep my mother happy with her religious views which, in turn, left me feeling I was missing something. That should have been the first clue, but trying to live up to my mother's expectations was more important when I was a small child and teen than trying to realize who God had made me.

And then, in all honesty, I developed a resentment for the emptiness and pressure I felt by the religious understanding of my mother being pushed on me, and, in turn, the religion.

I had been taught to fear the beliefs of others but to respect them as well. My father encouraged me to learn about other religions and to attend services from other denominations. He taught me to learn tolerance, understanding, and appreciation.

I found peace in my soul when my Pagan/Wiccan friends taught me to accept the gifts God had bestowed upon me. When I accepted myself, my abilities, my challenges, then I developed understanding of what I had and was able to find inner peace.

As odd as it may sound it was the Pagan influence that helped me appreciate the God I had been taught about my whole life. They are very closely related - the LDS religion is the Christian sect most closely related to Paganism in beliefs and understanding - and I have other friends that have found the answers by combining the two.

It's true, I'm NOT the only one!

I consider myself a "witch" by nature and a "Mormon" by nurture. It works for me. I have embraced my "gifts" that God gave me and understand that I was made perfect for me, for my life, for what I am to do, and for who and what I am. I have developed a greater understanding of religion, of spirituality, and of myself. What can be wrong with something that creates such a positive internal environment?

Perhaps I am an enigma. I don't see it because it makes sense to me. I am perfectly able to pay homage to my Father while participating in circle and I can appreciate the religious teachings of my parents and forefathers better than before.

I still struggle with the religious ramifications of marriage, however that may just be a personal issue better addressed in another place or another time.

The ins and outs of a road trip to Wyoming.

I love to drive!

I always have. It never bothered me to make the drive back and forth when I lived in Evanston. I worked through the BATC and also in Smithfield, attended school at BATC and USU, kept my doctor in Logan and my hairdresser in Richmond after I had moved to Wyoming.

Lately I haven't been able to road trip much, other than when I was taken to Salt Lake to the doctor. It has been over a year since I have made the pilgrimage to Evanston. It's been far longer since I have enjoyed the blues of Bear Lake, so when Callista asked if I could take her for a job interview, I jumped at the chance. Knowing I had business in Evanston, I just figured we could make it a circle and spend the day relaxing and visiting on the road.

We loaded up, Callista, Thomas and me, and headed out, stopping for fuel and breakfast in Logan. The canyon was beautiful and there were rock climbers and campers throughout. It's still a little chilly in the upper levels and the snow along the road was dirty, but still there. White patches gleamed out from under the trees. The river was rushing and the water was pouring out of Logan Cave.

I told Thomas stories about the canyon and the cave. He talked about the litter along the road and how it hurts him. Thomas is adamant that litter needs to be banned and we all need to appreciate Mother Nature and the Earth for all they do for us. He shows some really awesome insights.

As he was talking, Callista started to become more and more amused. She was grinning and trying not to giggle, but he didn't know. Finally, Thomas announced, with great seriousness, "Someday, if I become President, I'm going to put an end to all this litter commotion!"

That was it! Callista busted out laughing and Thomas was quite offended. "I am SERIOUS," he insisted.

"I know, Thomas," she replied, "I'm not laughing at what you are saying. I've just never heard you use the word 'commotion' before!"

One can well imagine, our trip was filled with singing, conversation, giggling and fun with Thomas interrupting on a regular basis to ask questions and make comments.

We stopped in Bear Lake and Thomas soon made friends with the son of Callista's boss. They are similar in age and neither could be referred to as shy! They were down on the beach playing in the water before too long but after jumping on the trampoline and exploring other options closer to the house. When Callista was done, she retrieved Thomas from the beach, coming back covered in water and sand, and we continued on.

We took side trips to check things out, but not many, and looked at the cows and antelope that were prolific along the way.

When we reached Randolph, I decided to check and see if I could find the home of a friend I hadn't seen in years. I didn't realize how many years until I was told she had broken her back three years ago! Some friend I've been... So, yes, I found her house and had a visit.

The good news was, her daughter, who I remembered as a tiny girl who was fighting for her life, is now a mom. That, in and of itself, hit me as a miracle! And what a beautiful little girl she is!

Back on the road we went. I called my ex's "wife" to let her know we were leaving Randolph and arrange a time and place to meet them. We watched for rabbits, antelope, and cattle. We saw horses, antelope, rabbits, dead deer, sheep, goats, and lots of cattle. Bulls, steers, calves, and cows everywhere. Callista questioned where all the cows were coming from the thousands and thousands we were passing! And, I fear, it was no exaggeration!

On the way into Evanston, I made contact with Jennifer, the person I had headed over there to meet with in the first place, and John called me. John lives in Granger, Wyoming, but was in Evanston with his kids. I told him where I would be and he offered to meet us there. Instead, he got lost and ended up finding me at Subway, where we went to grab sandwiches for lunch, and following me to the park. I didn't have a whole lot of time to visit with him, however, as my time was tied up with other things.

Thomas's father, Jim, was at the park with his live-in girlfriend, Annetta, and all the Christmas presents. It was very good to see Annetta and Thomas enjoyed visiting with Jim. They went down to the ice ponds and caught crawdads and watched them in the water. They talked and played and shared Thom's meatball sub. And we opened Thom's Christmas presents. It was the first "Christmas" Thomas had shared with his father since he was four.

And Annetta got to share her first and last "Christmas" with Thom.

That is the downside. Annetta's health is in crisis. Her doctors are telling her four to six months. Her joints, heart, lungs and now liver are all shutting down. I am very sad. Annetta is a good woman, a sweet person, who has taken care that Jim did right - well, somewhat - for my boys. She is open and honest with me and the only real source of communication I have between Jim and Thomas. And she has become my friend.

They are moving to Las Vegas in under a month. Thomas may see his father once more, if I can take him to Evanston on a Sunday between now and then. That will probably be the last time. Annetta won't be there to encourage contact and Jim won't be bothered. It's bittersweet, at best.

After we agreed that I would try and get him over there one more time, we continued on to Jennifer's.

There was, as usual, a crowd at Jennifer's. We spent a little time trying to visit in the midst of preparations for a surprise party. It didn't work so well. I did get to catch up some with my other friend, Reesie, which was nice. I picked up the paperwork I had come to get and we hit the highway headed back home. This time we went through Ogden and stuck to the Interstate route.

I made it back to Sky View just in time to catch Shannon's performance in Pirates of Penzance for Smithfield's Health Days.

It was a great day overall. I was surrounded by my family, good friends, nature and beauty. My heartbreak for Annetta will last awhile. My heartbreak for my son - I'm his mom, it's to be expected.

But far more will be the joy that I shared that one day - and a road trip - with people I love!

It's important to focus on the positives...

in ourselves and others!

Have you ever really admired someone, looked up to them, thought highly of them in one or more ways and been too intimidated by that to tell them?

That lack of self confidence has kept me many times from expressing to my friends, family, co-workers, associates, or acquaintances how much I admired them and how much they had added to my life. I finally realized, at some point, that my lack of self confidence should never keep me from sharing something positive with someone else. One never knows if it will make a real difference or not, but I have yet to find anyone who doesn't like to hear something honest and heartfelt that is positive about them.

Since then I have tried to express how much the people in my life have meant to me. I'm not always good at it. I value the people around me very much most of the time.

My accident created a situation where I was forced to catch a ride with a woman I have known for years. I lived next door to her at one point, but was always intimidated by her. She seemed to be far too affluent for me. She had a beautiful home, was a very attractive woman, had a stable marriage and a wonderful family.

I was struggling through a bad marriage with too many little children and actually lost my marriage and my job while living next door. I couldn't see any reason, especially at that time in my life, why this woman would want to have anything to do with me unless it was pure pity.

I have found a good friend and we giggle LOTS! She shares some really funny stories with me and I enjoy and look forward to the time I spend with her. On the way home one night I told her that I had always admired her but had been too intimidated by her to try and be friends. It wasn't an easy admission to make. And her reaction was far from what I expected!

I have learned that one never knows when someone else needs a boost. And if I can give that boost, what right do I have to keep that back?

What we focus on in life is what we get.

I choose to focus on the positives!

Road trip!

Not much of a road trip, but I'm heading out to Bear Lake and then Wyoming and then back all today. I have to be back by 7:00 tonight, but can't leave until about 9:30 this morning.

Even so, this is the first real road trip I've had in over a year. I'm really looking forward to this run.

The sad thing is, my son's father lives in Wyoming. I promised to get him there for his belated Christmas as soon as I could. His father isn't at all enthused about seeing Thomas, however. It breaks my heart.

His father's girlfriend is so excited to see us all that I can't say no. And this is probably the last time Thomas will see his father. I found out yesterday afternoon that the man is moving to Las Vegas. He doesn't come see his son, I always transport him, and I've got no reason to go to Vegas.

The girlfriend, my friend, is very ill and it sounds like she will move on to a better world soon. That will be difficult, too. I like her and I trust her. I will miss her! It is for her health that they are making this move to a warmer climate and they are hoping the medical care will be better. For her sake, I hope it works!

So, this is a happy trip and a sad trip.

But it is a road trip and I am so ready to be back on the road!

But all I wanted to do was go back to work!

Different jobs have different requirements. Some require an associates degree, some a bachelors, some higher education, residency, internships, a high school diploma, and some - just the ability to breathe will get you in the door!

My job requires that I work closely with the public. My job requires that I serve our clients and customers. My job also can be, in all honesty, life and death. That means I have certain things I have to be able to show I can do to prove I can do my job.

Yesterday I had another physical for my DOT certification. Like I hadn't been seeing enough doctors! I had to take a drug test - the one test I know I can pass without even studying.

I will be doing a drive check on Monday to show I can still operate a bus in and out of traffic.

All I want to do is go back to work! It's been six and a half months of waiting and working to be able to get back to it. The hurry up and wait is really frustrating!

I can, finally, answer the question, "When will be you back?" with a more definitive, "June 1 I will be taking over my own shift." There is only one problem with that, my shift is now nights and June 2 my daughter graduates from high school an hour and a half into my shift. June 4 I will resume my position as president of the Safety Solutions Team, meaning I have to be in SST meeting two and a half hours into my shift, so I will be required to find a replacement for the first half of that shift. June 5 is when the jury trial is set and I am going to have to be there as a witness. That is an all-day experience!

All I want to do is go back to work. I showed up at the office jumping for joy (literally) and waving my letter of release around. That was Wednesday. Thursday I did what I could, including attending SST meeting, and today I am stuck in the "What next?" phase.

Guess I wait again.

Why do drug tests take so long to grade?

The value of a friend...

I am a very wealthy woman! I, quite honestly, am up to my eyeballs in debt, have no current income, and still can say I am a very wealthy woman. I have something far more valuable than money. I have friends!

Last December I had just had my second surgery on my eye, I had barely started to get anything from my short-term disability so I was scrambling to pay several bills, I had no independence and had to have other people take me everywhere and be with me almost constantly. It was a very difficult time for me physically and emotionally.

One afternoon one of my co-workers brought his wife and their brand new baby to visit. It was the Monday before Christmas and they brought me a card. I didn't really care much about the card, but it was so good to see some friends! Even so, I opened the card and as I pulled it out, multiple bills spilled out onto my couch. I looked up at Devin and said, "What is this?" because I know what kind of money we make.

"The card isn't from us," he quickly explained, "it's from work. We just brought it up to see you."

I am not one to cry in front of people and I was more interested in the baby and her parents than the money, so I stuffed it back in the card and put it to the side. Devin and Liz happily let me hold their sweet Maggie while we visited. I am really foggy about what we talked about, but I was happy. Having them share their baby and their time with me meant so much right then.

After Devin and his little family left, I picked the envelope up again. The card was made special for me by one of my co-workers and many of them had written their well wishes and names. I felt so loved at a time that was so bleak! It gave me a happy heart!

As I counted the money, the first person I thought of was another co-worker, Chris, who had suffered a minor stroke just two weeks after I had been hit. I had $350 in my hand - more than too much - and I was wondering if I shouldn't be sharing it. I called a couple of family members to tell them what had happened and I couldn't help it, the tears flowed freely!

Later on, I found out the rest of the story. LaNae had made Chris and I both cards on her computer and had asked our manager, Nathan, if a collection could be taken to help his family and mine have a better Christmas. In a matter of a few days, during a time of economic stress and holiday spending, they had collected $700. Two of our co-workers volunteered to deliver our two cards and they wanted to make sure we had the money before Christmas to help out.

My family had a wonderful Christmas this year. We were showered with blessings from friends, family and strangers. My best present, however, had been the caring that had been shown by some of the most wonderful people on the planet!

Chris and his wife sat with me and my father at our January banquet and safety meeting. Our manager, Nathan, stood up to talk about our organization and how impressed he had been with his employees. We had some corporate people attending. As he related this story from his perspective, my eyes filled. I looked over at Chris and his wife, they were also holding back tears.

That small act of kindness touched more hearts, opened up more hope, and meant far more to me than the value of the money inside. Bless them all!

Oh - Happy Day!

So, after more than 6 months, I was finally released to return to work today. I do still have to see the doctor again in 4 months to see if have to have surgery, but I can start tomorrow if they'll let me!

I'm just waiting - after this long I'd be good at it - to find out what happens next!

It's a really happy day!

The prettiest time of year.

Right now is my favorite time of year. It's pretty. It's pretty everywhere. And this will probably be the only month all year long I can say that!

It's not too hot but it's no longer really cold. The world is turning green and I love the fragile greens of spring. The flowers are blooming, adding splashes of color. And the skies are still cloudy, accenting the peaceful greens and the showcasing the snow still high on the mountains.

This is a time of contrast. A time of new birth. I time to celebrate surviving the cold winter months.

Here, in the northern hemisphere, Spring is the time to celebrate a resurrection of earth's life from the long burial beneath ice and snow.

Don't get me wrong, I love winter! I love the storms and the snow and the beauty of winter. But Spring is definitely the prettiest time of the year!

The mini van brigade

I was asked to help my son during an art project that had the potential of being VERY messy and he tends to be messier than most. The art project went beautifully with no messes or problems and I was pretty much an unnecessary addition, other than Thomas was thrilled to have his Mommy with him!

This, however, is about my short walk home.

I left the school just before the final bell of the day. I was amazed at the mini vans lining the street filled with mothers and children waiting for the youngsters to be released from their daily educational exercises. Little ones climbed out of the side doors to play on the grass strip between the road and the sidewalk. Harried mothers watched the doors, just waiting. And then there were the lines and lines and lines in the parking lot of the church next door.

I started to laugh. This was really funny! I couldn't believe what I was seeing! I have lived across from that school for five years now and I'd never noticed before the parade at going home time.

It got me thinking about my own MAW or MAV, depending on who you talked to. At one time I did drive a mini van. It was a hand-me-across from my parents who realized I didn't have a way to get around without it. I appreciated it. I drove it. A former spouse destroyed it and I haven't been looking for another one since. Basically because I am not fond of mini vans, which returns me to my MAV or MAW.

That one was my choice. The manufacturer called it a Suburban. I called it Herbie. Herbie drove himself and did not react well to people he didn't like. He would try and drive himself off the side of the road if he didn't like the driver. He didn't much care for my former spouse which is one of the reasons that Herbie has travelled on. I guess it's okay since it cost me $40 to $5o to fill him up when gas prices were low and I couldn't have afforded to fill him up last summer. I still miss him, however.

One day I took 14 small children (and probably the dog) to free school lunch and then to see X-Men at the local theater in Herbie. I used to joke that my perfect car would be a bus. Little did I realize how true that really was!

Herbie was big and got lousy gas mileage, although the 14 to 15 mpg was considered good for a vehicle that size. He also like to break down - OFTEN - practically from the day I got him. That is the other reason that Herbie has moved on. Still, there was room for people, pets, camping equipment and a good deal more in his bowels. After all, he carried 14 children and probably more than once and carried me and my brood around - including D.O.G. - regularly. When I was expecting my youngest I kept Herbie's seat all the way back and my stomach still hit the steering wheel.

I'm not sure I could have fit the mass of my hulking pregnant body behind the steering wheel of a mini van.

Mini vans are more fuel efficient if you want to carry people. I don't have anything against them. In fact, I find the mini van brigade quite amusing! I think I'll keep my eyes open for a good giggle more often!

Wuv, twoo wuv...

Not everyone has the chance to know true love. Love that goes past time and through space. Love that takes your breath away no matter how long it's been since you last spoke - five minutes or 10 years.

I have been lucky enough to know that kind of love - and more than once. Will I share details? Not now. Not here.

Yes, it's been years since I've spent any time with some of my old loves, but when I do, my heart still does flip flops and I feel like I can't breathe. I better hope they are never all in the same room together. That may be enough to kill me!