Debating religion...

I was recently described as an enigma. Interesting concept.

Me, an enigma. I like it.

We were discussing religion. I don't discuss religion much, but I had mentioned that I was enjoying visiting with friends that were not fanatical where it came to their religion, if you want to call it that. My long time Pagan friends are some of the most down-to-earth, loving, caring and accepting people I know. I find it interesting that it is my Pagan friends that tend to live a life that reminds me of what my Christian upbringing taught.

Perhaps that is why my friend Jennifer finds me to be such an enigma.

After all, I'm a good Utah Mormon girl. The descendant of some of the early pioneers. I have a history on my father's side of the family tied closely to the LDS church. My mother, on the other hand, was raised in the south and attended multiple meetings with many different congregations before she finally settled on the LDS church as being where her beliefs were.

I was raised LDS and was very strong in my beliefs growing up. The problem was, I had gifts that didn't seem to mesh with the LDS belief system for my mother. There were things she just didn't understand. She told me my gifts were evil and bad. That equated - especially in my mind - to me being evil and bad. These weren't things I had any control over, these were things I was born with. I did my best to squash them and make my mother happy.

How incredibly stupid of me! However, I was a child and was following the misinformed fears of my mother in an attempt to gain her approval and love. Wait - perhaps naive, but still a stupid thing to do!

So, what transpires is this - I am squashing the gift God gave me to keep my mother happy with her religious views which, in turn, left me feeling I was missing something. That should have been the first clue, but trying to live up to my mother's expectations was more important when I was a small child and teen than trying to realize who God had made me.

And then, in all honesty, I developed a resentment for the emptiness and pressure I felt by the religious understanding of my mother being pushed on me, and, in turn, the religion.

I had been taught to fear the beliefs of others but to respect them as well. My father encouraged me to learn about other religions and to attend services from other denominations. He taught me to learn tolerance, understanding, and appreciation.

I found peace in my soul when my Pagan/Wiccan friends taught me to accept the gifts God had bestowed upon me. When I accepted myself, my abilities, my challenges, then I developed understanding of what I had and was able to find inner peace.

As odd as it may sound it was the Pagan influence that helped me appreciate the God I had been taught about my whole life. They are very closely related - the LDS religion is the Christian sect most closely related to Paganism in beliefs and understanding - and I have other friends that have found the answers by combining the two.

It's true, I'm NOT the only one!

I consider myself a "witch" by nature and a "Mormon" by nurture. It works for me. I have embraced my "gifts" that God gave me and understand that I was made perfect for me, for my life, for what I am to do, and for who and what I am. I have developed a greater understanding of religion, of spirituality, and of myself. What can be wrong with something that creates such a positive internal environment?

Perhaps I am an enigma. I don't see it because it makes sense to me. I am perfectly able to pay homage to my Father while participating in circle and I can appreciate the religious teachings of my parents and forefathers better than before.

I still struggle with the religious ramifications of marriage, however that may just be a personal issue better addressed in another place or another time.