I went to Salt Lake on Thursday. It was a lovely trip and I was blessed to have three lovely ladies and my best buddy with me for the trip down and my best buddy with me for the trip back.
Sometime I'll have to tell you about my best buddy, just not right now. For one thing, it would take me completely off-track and for another I just can't pick the words to describe him. So, I will save that for another time. Let's just let it suffice to say he is a fantastic friend and we spend a great deal of time together!
Anyway, I arrived home about midnight. All I wanted was to go to bed. Really. I knew I had about four hours before I had to get up and get ready for work and I wanted to go to bed. But there was something on my front porch.
Now, when I say something, I don't mean something with teeth and fangs, although the way I'm reacting it may as well have, I mean just something. It was large and leaning against my front door.
A beautiful white Christmas gift bag.
And that something was large - very large for its particular breed! I figured it was something that some kind soul had left for my family. Perhaps I should say 'for my children' since most people take one look at me and immediately start to pity the poor little darlings. It's a good thing, too, or they would have gone without far more often than they have!
So, I walked up, grabbed the bag, unlocked the door, and went inside. Figured it wouldn't hurt me to look at the bag, but that's when the problem started.
There are three tags on the bag. One states, "The twelve days of Christmas an elf brings to you. Open 1 gift per day."
The second I will address is the one that came attached to the bag. It remains unscathed and quite unproblematic as well.
It's the third tag that has thrown me into fits of guilt. It says, "Leah, Merry Christmas!
"This is to show you how very special you are. You go out of your way for so many this just a small token of appreciation. Not for the family, just for you."
Since Thursday I have slept with this bag on my bed. I have peeked into it but have been unable to open a single gift. I have cried about it, I'm so very touched that someone actually thought of me so highly. And I feel completely unworthy for such high praise.
I am going to try and open something. It's not what's inside the bag that has touched me so deeply, it really is the thought and I don't want to destroy the reminder that somehow, somewhere I may have made a difference to someone who needed it.
There are little moments in our lives when the sound of one voice can make a huge difference. I used to start my days praying that I could touch just one life in the way God needed me to. I saw that happen many times and I have always been blessed with everything I needed and more. I have tried to serve others, even if it means smiling at someone driving past me. Yup, I've scared more than one person grimacing out a bus window at them - until I add a friendly wave!
In my efforts to serve others, I have rarely felt that I have done enough.
I guess that's where the guilt comes in. I have nothing for my children. The boys don't seem to mind and the girls aren't around to notice. I don't have anything I can give to anyone else, either. I can never give enough to make up for all the blessings I have been given. Why would anyone want to "reward" me for doing nothing?!?!
Roses and presents all in the same week. I'm not sure how to react. I'm not sure what to do or to say. I guess I can just be gracious and say, "Thank you" to all those who care so much for me and take care of me and my children. Some day I will pay you all back for all that you have paid forward to me! One way or another, I will succeed!
"Because I have been given much, I, too, must give."
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