Even so, it had reached the point where I felt quite certain that I was permanently damaged and there was no hope that I would actually ever meet the man of my dreams. Or even half that man and have him willing to put up with me. I had been going through a long and detailed process of mourning as I contemplated forever alone.
My hope, and my view, is that my children will all find someone that is significant and special to build a family with. That does leave me out a bit as I don't want to ever get in the way of their happiness. That leaves me alone, smiling upon them as they celebrate life for now and forever.
And I could be really happy for them and all my friends that found that fulfillment of a really great relationship. I have seen my daughters so blessed so far with such relationships! But I was lonely. And getting a bit discouraged.
This year has been, by far, the toughest year I've faced in a very long time. I have been blasted from more directions than I care to think about and I have been praying for a miracle.
I made a list.
I knew what I wanted and started listing character traits. I would look at my list and think how unrealistic it was. I would get discouraged. I could see no reason the man of my dreams I was developing on paper would ever be interested in me. After all, I've made enough mistakes for several people!
I had joined a few online dating sites. I started shutting the accounts down. It just seemed like such a waste of time because I knew I wasn't really ready to commit to anyone or to have what it was I was hoping for.
And then, one day, I got a message. It seemed far too good to be true, but I went with it and wrote back. We "bantered" back and forth, but something about what this man was writing had really struck a chord.
Then the told me he was going out of town for awhile. He also mentioned that he really wanted to see the American Festival Chorus perform. I told him that it was too bad he was going out of town since we had our three Christmas concerts that weekend. Next thing I know, he's letting me know he's got a ticket. The LAST ticket for our Friday night concert.
I was, as usual, skeptical.
I told him that if he was coming all the way up we should get together for ice cream after. He was coming from Layton, after all, and I did feel a little guilty about getting him up here when I had no time.
I was lucky - he jumped at the chance! Even after I explained we would have to go with my travel buddies for AFC. He seemed enthused, even! I was still feeling some trepidation, but everyone was in agreement. My AFC buddies were looking forward to "screening" anyone that was interested in me and my date wasn't intimidated by it.
Things seemed good, but who knew.
The shock of my life came when I discovered my date was my very own Christmas miracle.
When I saw him, he glowed like the Christmas star. He was all I could see on that street corner. I know Dianne and Rebecca were with me, they jumped right in after they saw the dozen roses he brought me.
It was the first time I'd ever seen him and I hugged him. Hard.
And I'm afraid that was about all she wrote. I remembered after that to be shy for a little while, but it was so comfortable to be with him and he got along with my friends and there was nothing for a red flag to even attach to.
Jim is my Christmas miracle. He gave me all the things that Christmas is about: Hope, Peace, Love, Good will, Comfort, Smiles.
Yes, Christmas is changed and new and wonderful, all because of a Christmas miracle I wasn't even trying to find!
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